DYU Chronicles

       “And no, it has never been about being right, but always have been about being true. “.      

                                     missduchat

        

    It does not matter what it is, but       the truth is always and will remain the     right thing. So, forget who is right and     who may be wrong. Speak the truth and   watch what happens. A few tears may       be shed, a friendship or relationship         may slip (or even fail) but it is going to     be okay. They always say “the truth will   set you free,” well they were not lying       about that.

Hurt me, break me with the truth, I’ll handle it!

Is social media ruining your relationship?

I bet a good number of you reading this will answer yes to this question. However, the real answer to this question depends on different other personal questions. The questions you should ask yourself are: “how are you using social media?” Are you allowing social media into your relationship?” And what are you doing that is destroying your relationship?”

Sadly, many of us, sometimes, ignore our real problems. Some of us, unleash these problems on social media and lastly, some of us just find our problems on social media. While the apparent connection between all three aspects can be social media, we must also determine how are these people using social media and why?

Personally, I use social media (Facebook) to catch up with old friends. It is my way of reconnecting and sometimes I use it as an advertising tool for my businesses. Now, I can proudly say that social media is nowhere around my relationship or my personal/private life. Therefore, in the case my relationship is destroyed, I’ll only have myself and my partner to blame for the ruin.

Unfortunately, not all of us can truthfully claim that. As it is clear that many use social media to meet people outside of their relationship, to expose or broadcast their relationship from the happiest moments to the most miserably, heart-wrenching moments. Some of us use it ‘supposedly’ solve our problems by posting your situations asking for people’s opinions or use it in lieu of a personal sitting, face to face discussion. In other words, some of us use social media to avoid facing and fixing our problems. This is the most dangerous way of letting social media into your relationship as it is not only immature, it takes away or ignore the real problems, leaving no rooms for fixing since we cannot determine the cause in the first place.

We all know we should, under no circumstances, not to let people and social media into our relationship, ever.  So, until you can decide in which of these three categories of people you belong and come up with a resolution, your relationship will know many headaches, but let me reassure you that it is not social media’s causing. It is time we look within and start taking responsibilty for our actions. Just as social media can help us, if we misuse it, we can destroy our whole being. So, the deal is to use it moderately, use it smart and keep our private life just that, private.  Try it and let me know how it works out for you! 

Maybe you gave her the reasons to…

Since there are countless numbers of articles about giving him the reasons to, we’ll make this about her.

Some of you guys are probably always wondering about why women do some of the things they do, like constantly doubting you, always arguing, always asking questions, etc… Now, just stop and reflect on yourselves for one minute and see what you could be doing in these situations.

Now, if you follow my blog or the couple of articles I have written, you will realize that I am always advising and encouraging women to avoid sticky and toxic relationships as much as possible. I do not necessarily believe in arguing and doubts in a healthy relationship. Trust is one of the most important and necessary factors for a healthy or a serious relationship. If she does not trust you, you don’t have a relationship yet.

To get back to why is she always doubting you, it is probably because you always give her reasons to. What I mean is, if you give her reason to doubt your words just once, she will not only doubt everything about you but also every day. It really is not that complicated, just avoid creating doubts by not always suspiciously be on the phone and quickly hides or close something when she shows up. That’s suspicious and she will most definitely ask you questions, believe you can avoid this argument, don’t lie. Tell her the truth and be willing to show her if she needs it. At the end of the day, you did decide on having a serious, healthy relationship with her, so why not keep everything healthy.

Gentlemen, when you lie to her, if she doesn’t already know the truth, she will find out soon enough. So, don’t risk having her arguing and doubting. Some guys will lie about the smallest and stupidest thing ever. Then, you wonder and even complain that she is the problem.

But this problem could simply be you, but your self-claimed manhood and conceit does not let you see it. Next time, think maybe I am giving her the reasons to. What if I try a different method, maybe she could respond differently.

P.S. Women don’t like to talk and argue, if you don’t answer and when asked a question, go around it and start blaming them or shaming them, then you have open their talking jaws. It is not like they love arguing with you and be mad. Again, what are you doing that is causing all the talking and arguing.  Also, keep in mind that there is a huge difference between asking a question, talking and arguing. Confusing these three could be one of the problems.

Does He Like You?

Someone asked: “How do you know if and when a guy likes you?”
To be honest, I have no clue. I heard there are signs/hints which you could catch to find out whether anyone (guy or girl) likes you. Unfortunately, I am unable to catch any of these so called signs or hints.
Personally, a guy does not like you until he tells you so. If he does, he will. Don’t stress yourself trying to read signs. Sometimes, these signs may have different meanings, but since you are focusing on them so much as to find out someone’s true feelings for you, you can misread them. A person will do/say things only because he/she is polite and have respect for others.
I am not dismissing the fact that some signs may actually show how someone feels about you. However, the only way to be sure is if and when they tell you. You can take your chances, but to answer this question again, you would know if a guy likes you when he tells you. What he likes you for or in other words, what he wants from you is a whole different story.

First Date Kiss

Okay, this is one of my favorite subjects. I have been asked to answer this question, “is it okay to kiss on a first date?

I don’t know where to begin with this. Well, I’ll go with it depends. I think if you really care about someone, it shouldn’t matter. It’s all about chemistry, if it’s right and strong, it will happen naturally. On the other hand, if you try to force, then it’s wrong.

As women, we think too much about certain things. I don’t think kissing a guy on a first date should make him like/love you less than he probably did before. If that’s the case, then I’m afraid there was no genuine like/love in the first place. I can see why a guy may be a bit skeptical if you sleep with him on a first date, but that’s another topic. However, I don’t think it’s a bad thing if it happens naturally. We must not overthink because we can’t control how we feel at a moment. If you have to think about it, then maybe you shouldn’t do it. Otherwise, just live life and let God works his miracles.

Afraid to Care!

Now that I have actually put that in writing, I realize how sad it really is.  So, tonight I want to talk a little about some of us who tend to be so overprotective of our heart, feelings and well-being. In fear of getting hurt, we feel like it is best to just shut down sometimes and we try to force ourselves to not care. I have come to realize that the more I force and remind myself that I don’t care, the more I actually care. That is very true because what we fail to remember is that we cannot possibly control our feelings.
Caring is actually a great thing. I am not saying that it’s easy to do, but we must try our best to just let ourselves feel and care. Restraining yourself from one of the best things in life is like putting an end to your life. It’s not the worst thing that can happen to you.
I would be wrong to promise you that you won’t be deceived and hurt, but it’s all part of growing up. Those are lessons to which you should pay close attention because they will certainly help you in the future. Please, note that I am not encouraging anyone to go and allow themselves to get hurt left and right, up and down. There are situations you can definitely prevent or avoid, but there are also those you can do absolutely nothing about. You just have to let yourself live the best life you can live.
Believe me, I know for a fact that shutting down and pretending not to care is not the way to live. You are just choosing to live a “what if” life and that is not healthy. You can’t possibly expect to live a happy, healthy life wondering what could have been. So, stop shutting down and pretend, just let things be.

Time to Yourself

Ever wondered why most of the relationships you’ve been involved in never worked?
Then, don’t be to quick to judge your partners or everyone else. It may simply be that you need some time off so you can focus and work on yourself a bit. Sometimes, we are our own problems. If you are not ready, then, it won’t ever work.
It is not such a bad idea to take time for yourself and figure a few things out before you fully indulge into something so serious as relationship.
What I realize is that most of us don’t know how to be by ourselves, therefore, we are always looking for someone to validate us. Sadly, that is not the answer and we all must learn how to be single, alone because it can never hurt. Quite frankly, it helps you discover and understand yourself better. Instead of everybody else telling you who you are, wouldn’t you rather know who you are a little better?
Well, when you dedicate a little time to yourself and try not to lose yourself into someone else so quickly or when you are not ready, you can help yourself. You can discover new talents you did not think you have, new interests and better yet, you can understand the world better and change a few things you don’t like about yourself.
So, just allow yourself that time and maybe you can see a difference. Nobody can take what is yours away from you. Plus, instead of you ruining your chances with the right person, wouldn’t you rather take the time to really figure things out, that way, you know how to approach certain situations.