Is social media ruining your relationship?

I bet a good number of you reading this will answer yes to this question. However, the real answer to this question depends on different other personal questions. The questions you should ask yourself are: “how are you using social media?” Are you allowing social media into your relationship?” And what are you doing that is destroying your relationship?”

Sadly, many of us, sometimes, ignore our real problems. Some of us, unleash these problems on social media and lastly, some of us just find our problems on social media. While the apparent connection between all three aspects can be social media, we must also determine how are these people using social media and why?

Personally, I use social media (Facebook) to catch up with old friends. It is my way of reconnecting and sometimes I use it as an advertising tool for my businesses. Now, I can proudly say that social media is nowhere around my relationship or my personal/private life. Therefore, in the case my relationship is destroyed, I’ll only have myself and my partner to blame for the ruin.

Unfortunately, not all of us can truthfully claim that. As it is clear that many use social media to meet people outside of their relationship, to expose or broadcast their relationship from the happiest moments to the most miserably, heart-wrenching moments. Some of us use it ‘supposedly’ solve our problems by posting your situations asking for people’s opinions or use it in lieu of a personal sitting, face to face discussion. In other words, some of us use social media to avoid facing and fixing our problems. This is the most dangerous way of letting social media into your relationship as it is not only immature, it takes away or ignore the real problems, leaving no rooms for fixing since we cannot determine the cause in the first place.

We all know we should, under no circumstances, not to let people and social media into our relationship, ever.  So, until you can decide in which of these three categories of people you belong and come up with a resolution, your relationship will know many headaches, but let me reassure you that it is not social media’s causing. It is time we look within and start taking responsibilty for our actions. Just as social media can help us, if we misuse it, we can destroy our whole being. So, the deal is to use it moderately, use it smart and keep our private life just that, private.  Try it and let me know how it works out for you! 

Maybe you gave her the reasons to…

Since there are countless numbers of articles about giving him the reasons to, we’ll make this about her.

Some of you guys are probably always wondering about why women do some of the things they do, like constantly doubting you, always arguing, always asking questions, etc… Now, just stop and reflect on yourselves for one minute and see what you could be doing in these situations.

Now, if you follow my blog or the couple of articles I have written, you will realize that I am always advising and encouraging women to avoid sticky and toxic relationships as much as possible. I do not necessarily believe in arguing and doubts in a healthy relationship. Trust is one of the most important and necessary factors for a healthy or a serious relationship. If she does not trust you, you don’t have a relationship yet.

To get back to why is she always doubting you, it is probably because you always give her reasons to. What I mean is, if you give her reason to doubt your words just once, she will not only doubt everything about you but also every day. It really is not that complicated, just avoid creating doubts by not always suspiciously be on the phone and quickly hides or close something when she shows up. That’s suspicious and she will most definitely ask you questions, believe you can avoid this argument, don’t lie. Tell her the truth and be willing to show her if she needs it. At the end of the day, you did decide on having a serious, healthy relationship with her, so why not keep everything healthy.

Gentlemen, when you lie to her, if she doesn’t already know the truth, she will find out soon enough. So, don’t risk having her arguing and doubting. Some guys will lie about the smallest and stupidest thing ever. Then, you wonder and even complain that she is the problem.

But this problem could simply be you, but your self-claimed manhood and conceit does not let you see it. Next time, think maybe I am giving her the reasons to. What if I try a different method, maybe she could respond differently.

P.S. Women don’t like to talk and argue, if you don’t answer and when asked a question, go around it and start blaming them or shaming them, then you have open their talking jaws. It is not like they love arguing with you and be mad. Again, what are you doing that is causing all the talking and arguing.  Also, keep in mind that there is a huge difference between asking a question, talking and arguing. Confusing these three could be one of the problems.

Too Old, I Think Not!!

    A lot of young women think that well, I am 34 years old, so, I have to be married and have a family already or else, it may never happen because I am already too old. Quite frankly, there is no such thing as too old. Why is it that guys rarely even care about their age. They could not care any less how old they are because being young is not necessarily determined by your age. If your spirit is young, believe, you are young because you look and act it.

     Do not get me wrong, I am not talking immature, just young. Being young does not necessarily means you are immature. I have heard so many women say this, well, I have to find me a man now or it just might be too late. What you seem to forget is that one is never too late for love. I have seen the oldest people getting married and falling in love all over again. It’s not so much a matter of age, but if you keep pushing yourself into relationship just because, you will regret it. Just because you are in your late 20’s or 30’s, does bot mean the romance word is all closed for you. It is still very young.

     Plus, if anything, I think guys should worry more about becoming too old if anyone has to worry at all because they take such a long time to mature. So, while women are out there worrying about getting married, men their age are just enjoying life.  We, women have absolutely nothing to worry about and I have seen this one too many times before, when women feel that way about their love life, they tend to settle for anything. That is just unacceptable and totally excusable. You have got to know better. Also, before you can get into a relationship or get married, you have to make sure that everything in your life is in check. Marriage comes with different responsibilities and challenges, so, ask yourself, before you run into one just because you fear your time may be running out, are you truly ready for that giant shift.

       Make sure, everything in your life is in order for such change before you go crazy about getting married. Take your time and let God works because if and when your time should come, you must be ready then. Also, remember that, while God has created women to fulfill the earth in the proper way (which would be getting married and have children with your husband), not everyone is destined to be married or have children. So, take your time and talk to God, then, you’ll do what you need to do. However, you should never rush into any type of relationship, especially, marriage.

Peeples

      So, I watched “Peeples” last night and I am not sure how I feel about it. while I think it was very funny and also a good movie but it irked my nerves a little.  It’s really no one’s fault but I realize that these things really do happen in real life and I just pictured myself in this poor guy’s shoes and I didn’t like it.

      If you have yet to see this movie, don’t worry, I will try my best not to spoil it for you. Now, I loved the humor and I laughed as hard as I could whenever necessary but why so many stupid secrets though? It almost made no sense to me. I really had a different understanding of friendship and family and one thing I liked, though, is that these issues exist in real families and relationships. This movie shows that while you may have fortune, fame or whatever, communication is very important in both romantic relationship and family.

      Parents, you need to learn how to love and talk to your children, don’t focus so much on your status and having your kids praising you so much that they are scared to talk to you about important stuff. You have got to be cool and open because as your children are growing they will be making different decisions and you don’t want to be left out of those just because they are afraid to talk to you. While you have to be a parent and I understand that it is very different from being a friend, you should leave room for a little comfort because it will surely help your relationship.If your children cannot talk to you, that may be a problem.

      Everybody knows that I hate lies already, so it’s fair to say I cannot stand secrets. You cannot have secrets in a relationship although  he should have noticed those two round secrets there, but let’s not go there. You should not have that many secrets in a serious relationship period. If you really see a future with a person, why would you keep that person a secret from your family for so long? That makes no sense to me, while there might have been reasons to make it difficult to tell them, you are grown, you should have been ready to have that talk with your folks, it is just that. It was to a point where I thought the man should have left because while I understand that she was afraid of her father, but she could have at least stand up for him a couple of times. Those things just did not click with me and it is sad for me to think that it really happens.

     Anyway, all these different things show how important communication is. It is not always about being a dictator, overly protective or having to live to different societal standards, you must have and maintain a great relationship with your family because that is very important. Also, learn to have less secrets because I know, there will be some secrets sometimes, but try not to have so many secrets especially about these things that are so important. The lying really has to stop because I am pretty sure everybody hates to be lied to, so try not to do it and learn to communicate in any type of relationships.

  • I really hope I did not spoil it too much for those who have not seen it and if I did, well, I apologize.

That’s that foolishness!

So I was watching this video clip which a friend shared on Facebook and it was from the Divorce Court show. The wife wanted to divorce the husband because he was too nice, he cooks and takes great care of her and he tells her he loves her every now and then.

Now, before I say anything else, allow me to note that she had three kids that are not the husband’s and only one with the guy. She had a career which the husband was never aware of, got up and left and never told him where she went and dared made fun of him because he has problems in his eyes. If this is not stupidity, then again, I am not sure what stupidity is. One shall never be that foolish!

You found a guy, I repeat, a guy who cares about you enough to want to be with you, marry you regardless of how many kids you have and you turn around, this is what you do. I love how most of us women always complain about how we cannot find a good man who can respect, honor, love and cherish us like we should. But is this man not the perfect example of why you cannot find them?

I always tell my friends, if you want a man, you have to know how to be a lady or a woman. If you find a man who is patient with you, you need to get it together and quick. This selfish girl found a good man and she is so used to the jerks and guys treating her like garbage that she cannot see when she has a good thing. She is so selfish and ugly. I mean, she can look as good as she can, but beauty truly comes from within. You have to love yourself, respect yourself and others, treat others like they deserved to be treated to be beautiful.

This is also a perfect example of people rushing into things just to make others see what they have. Well, she had everything and now, nothing. She is just not ready to be married, or in a relationship at all. She needs to take a break, work on herself and I tell you she need a lot of work before she can start dating again. Wait, dating should be pretty hard for a woman with three kids and God knows how many baby daddies. As I was watching this clip, I wanted to get in there and shake the foolishness out of her because when you have found something so good, that so many others crave for, you need to get it together.

She had absolutely no respect for the guy , yet he had done everything right. What the hell is wrong with some people? You do not treat people any way you feel like. Respect is very important and like I always say, you get what you give.

This might help understand why so many guys are afraid of commitment, marriage, relationship and just women. Some of you really don’t deserve it and some of you just do not know hat you want. I hope this guy does not let that ugly, selfish, foolish and stupid girl change his whole persona and attitude towards women because some of us know how to appreciate and cherish a good man.  Respect others and treat people right, one can only take so much. Everyone has a breaking point and when it’s over, it is over. Think before you say or do anything and stop being so stupid!

Opposite Sex Friends!

I recently had this discussion with a group of people and you would not believe what some had to say. While most agree that it is, in fact, not a problem if their partner has a friend from the opposite sex. There was this one guy who stood out with the declaration that it is unacceptable for his partner to have any male friends.  His explanation was that he wanted to avoid the possibility of anything inappropriate happening, so he figured if he was to keep his partner away from the temptations, then, that would help.

I am not sure how that makes any sense but I try to understand where he is coming from. Yet, still does not make any sense. This is the 21st century and that is just wrong. You have to trust your partner or just give him or her the benefit of a doubt. You should never box anyone up and isolate them from the world. It is not fair on all levels. We need to be around others to survive and others include both same and opposite sex. It helps you grow as a person and another important thing is that while you may not actually experience something to learn from it, you might experience through your friends. Also, it is great to have people to ask for advice or just talk to, that way, you’ll understand people better and surprisingly, it may even help you understand your significant other.

While I can understand his concerns, I definitely do not appreciate his taking us back to the 20’s. You have to respect your partner enough to give them their own space and the opportunity to make up their own minds and own decisions. If you don’t allow that person that right, then the person will lose themselves and the moment they finally get the chance to experience, you just might lose that person for real. Trust is a very important factor in a relationship, so learn to trust and respect each other. It is okay to be concerned, but that is the point of communication. And if you don’t feel entirely ready to be in a relationship, don’t fight it, just wait and it will come to you eventually. Be mindful and respect each other in every way possible.