Is social media ruining your relationship?

I bet a good number of you reading this will answer yes to this question. However, the real answer to this question depends on different other personal questions. The questions you should ask yourself are: “how are you using social media?” Are you allowing social media into your relationship?” And what are you doing that is destroying your relationship?”

Sadly, many of us, sometimes, ignore our real problems. Some of us, unleash these problems on social media and lastly, some of us just find our problems on social media. While the apparent connection between all three aspects can be social media, we must also determine how are these people using social media and why?

Personally, I use social media (Facebook) to catch up with old friends. It is my way of reconnecting and sometimes I use it as an advertising tool for my businesses. Now, I can proudly say that social media is nowhere around my relationship or my personal/private life. Therefore, in the case my relationship is destroyed, I’ll only have myself and my partner to blame for the ruin.

Unfortunately, not all of us can truthfully claim that. As it is clear that many use social media to meet people outside of their relationship, to expose or broadcast their relationship from the happiest moments to the most miserably, heart-wrenching moments. Some of us use it ‘supposedly’ solve our problems by posting your situations asking for people’s opinions or use it in lieu of a personal sitting, face to face discussion. In other words, some of us use social media to avoid facing and fixing our problems. This is the most dangerous way of letting social media into your relationship as it is not only immature, it takes away or ignore the real problems, leaving no rooms for fixing since we cannot determine the cause in the first place.

We all know we should, under no circumstances, not to let people and social media into our relationship, ever.  So, until you can decide in which of these three categories of people you belong and come up with a resolution, your relationship will know many headaches, but let me reassure you that it is not social media’s causing. It is time we look within and start taking responsibilty for our actions. Just as social media can help us, if we misuse it, we can destroy our whole being. So, the deal is to use it moderately, use it smart and keep our private life just that, private.  Try it and let me know how it works out for you! 

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Not Ready for a Relationship

Most of us already know that excuse. Someone asked me, :what does it mean when a guy says that he is not ready fora relationship?”

Quite frankly, I am not a guy, so I would not know perfectly what they mean. But, I can think of a few things as to what it may mean. Sometimes, not ready means simply that, he is clearly not ready. Don’t push him or force him into anything he is clearly not ready for. Some other times, it may mean just that he is not into you. He sees you just as a friend and would not mind hooking up with you a few times, but he does not see you as his girlfriend. I know that may be heartbreaking, but it is very true. Then, sometimes it means that he wants a friends with benefits relationship with you and has someone he is interested in, pursuing or even seeing.  Like I said before, I am not 100% sure why a guy might tell you that, but I think those can be the reasons sometimes.

Now,when he is not ready– he may have personal, professional or other issues that he believes he needs to work on before he can really give himself into any relationship. So, that may have absolutely nothing to do with you and if he likes you, he will probably just keep you in his radar and makes his moves whenever he feels ready. He may have just gotten out of a relationship and may be still recovering from it, so he is not fit to be in another one so soon. Like I said, this has nothing to do with you.

Now, be weary of those who says they really like you but are not ready for a relationship while wanting to hook up with you sometimes. To me, I think that is a lack of respect. He is basically telling you that you are good enough to sleep with but not a relationship. You should love yourself before anything else and that include your body. Unless that is something you have no problems with and have no intentions whatsoever to be his girlfriend at any given time, then do what is best for you. If a guy tells you that he still wants to sleep with you but does not want to be in a relationship, well, it is not that he is not ready. It is just that he does not respect you enough in my opinion. He does not see you as a girlfriend but still want to use you, now, you choose how you want to interpret and understand that and you go with whatever it is that you feel is right.

Then, there are those who are not ready for a relationship simply because they are either in one already, trying to get into one with someone else. So, his not being ready does not mean he is not ready for a relationship, it means he is just not ready for you and basically, he never will. Once again, I will say, respect your body and self. If you don not feel comfortable with something, don’t agree to do it just because everyone else is doing it or you want to impress someone. Most likely, you will know sooner or later why he says that. Just take your time, if you really like him, do your homework.  Try to find out what he has going on because some guys are not that smart, they will always leave something behind for you to track them down. So, do what you gotta do and remember to have respect for yourself first.

My understanding is if a guy really wants to be with you, there will be nothing stopping him. Believe me, if he wants, he will. Men are good for that. They go after what they want no matter what it takes. Don’t let people play with your mind or head just because.

That’s that foolishness!

So I was watching this video clip which a friend shared on Facebook and it was from the Divorce Court show. The wife wanted to divorce the husband because he was too nice, he cooks and takes great care of her and he tells her he loves her every now and then.

Now, before I say anything else, allow me to note that she had three kids that are not the husband’s and only one with the guy. She had a career which the husband was never aware of, got up and left and never told him where she went and dared made fun of him because he has problems in his eyes. If this is not stupidity, then again, I am not sure what stupidity is. One shall never be that foolish!

You found a guy, I repeat, a guy who cares about you enough to want to be with you, marry you regardless of how many kids you have and you turn around, this is what you do. I love how most of us women always complain about how we cannot find a good man who can respect, honor, love and cherish us like we should. But is this man not the perfect example of why you cannot find them?

I always tell my friends, if you want a man, you have to know how to be a lady or a woman. If you find a man who is patient with you, you need to get it together and quick. This selfish girl found a good man and she is so used to the jerks and guys treating her like garbage that she cannot see when she has a good thing. She is so selfish and ugly. I mean, she can look as good as she can, but beauty truly comes from within. You have to love yourself, respect yourself and others, treat others like they deserved to be treated to be beautiful.

This is also a perfect example of people rushing into things just to make others see what they have. Well, she had everything and now, nothing. She is just not ready to be married, or in a relationship at all. She needs to take a break, work on herself and I tell you she need a lot of work before she can start dating again. Wait, dating should be pretty hard for a woman with three kids and God knows how many baby daddies. As I was watching this clip, I wanted to get in there and shake the foolishness out of her because when you have found something so good, that so many others crave for, you need to get it together.

She had absolutely no respect for the guy , yet he had done everything right. What the hell is wrong with some people? You do not treat people any way you feel like. Respect is very important and like I always say, you get what you give.

This might help understand why so many guys are afraid of commitment, marriage, relationship and just women. Some of you really don’t deserve it and some of you just do not know hat you want. I hope this guy does not let that ugly, selfish, foolish and stupid girl change his whole persona and attitude towards women because some of us know how to appreciate and cherish a good man.  Respect others and treat people right, one can only take so much. Everyone has a breaking point and when it’s over, it is over. Think before you say or do anything and stop being so stupid!

Opposite Sex Friends!

I recently had this discussion with a group of people and you would not believe what some had to say. While most agree that it is, in fact, not a problem if their partner has a friend from the opposite sex. There was this one guy who stood out with the declaration that it is unacceptable for his partner to have any male friends.  His explanation was that he wanted to avoid the possibility of anything inappropriate happening, so he figured if he was to keep his partner away from the temptations, then, that would help.

I am not sure how that makes any sense but I try to understand where he is coming from. Yet, still does not make any sense. This is the 21st century and that is just wrong. You have to trust your partner or just give him or her the benefit of a doubt. You should never box anyone up and isolate them from the world. It is not fair on all levels. We need to be around others to survive and others include both same and opposite sex. It helps you grow as a person and another important thing is that while you may not actually experience something to learn from it, you might experience through your friends. Also, it is great to have people to ask for advice or just talk to, that way, you’ll understand people better and surprisingly, it may even help you understand your significant other.

While I can understand his concerns, I definitely do not appreciate his taking us back to the 20’s. You have to respect your partner enough to give them their own space and the opportunity to make up their own minds and own decisions. If you don’t allow that person that right, then the person will lose themselves and the moment they finally get the chance to experience, you just might lose that person for real. Trust is a very important factor in a relationship, so learn to trust and respect each other. It is okay to be concerned, but that is the point of communication. And if you don’t feel entirely ready to be in a relationship, don’t fight it, just wait and it will come to you eventually. Be mindful and respect each other in every way possible.

How much is enough?

I recently had a little experience with this upcoming situation and I also had a talk with some of my girl-friends and I want to share it with you ( well just a little bit of it).

The main question is “how much should you give in in a relationship?”. I initially thought any relationship requires a 50/50 rule. However my friend does not seem to think so.  One believes that in ever relationship, the woman should give 60 %. But isn’t that kind of unfair? Another one said, the woman should only give 10%, now that, too, is very unfair to the guy.

Now, let’s make it clear, I understand both viewpoints and to some, they can be fair. However, if you need a healthy, long term relationship, you might want to apply the 50/50 rule. Both parties have to contribute the same amount in for a relationship to work. There should not be one person all in while the other is one foot in and foot out. When you give only 10% in a relationship, the guy has to put in 90%. Really, that is just ridiculous, just plain wrong. You either want it or you don’t. No need to play with someone.

On the other hand, you can not allow yourself to give a lot more than the other person is willing to pitch in. You should never let someone use you, for whatever reason. I will say this again, in any relationship, there must be mutual understanding and effort. Both parties have to want it equally.

So, how much is enough?– The answer to that is just enough to not be unfair to your partner while not being used at the same time.  It should be equally proportioned that way no one feel lonely or exhausted in the relationship.