Is social media ruining your relationship?

I bet a good number of you reading this will answer yes to this question. However, the real answer to this question depends on different other personal questions. The questions you should ask yourself are: “how are you using social media?” Are you allowing social media into your relationship?” And what are you doing that is destroying your relationship?”

Sadly, many of us, sometimes, ignore our real problems. Some of us, unleash these problems on social media and lastly, some of us just find our problems on social media. While the apparent connection between all three aspects can be social media, we must also determine how are these people using social media and why?

Personally, I use social media (Facebook) to catch up with old friends. It is my way of reconnecting and sometimes I use it as an advertising tool for my businesses. Now, I can proudly say that social media is nowhere around my relationship or my personal/private life. Therefore, in the case my relationship is destroyed, I’ll only have myself and my partner to blame for the ruin.

Unfortunately, not all of us can truthfully claim that. As it is clear that many use social media to meet people outside of their relationship, to expose or broadcast their relationship from the happiest moments to the most miserably, heart-wrenching moments. Some of us use it ‘supposedly’ solve our problems by posting your situations asking for people’s opinions or use it in lieu of a personal sitting, face to face discussion. In other words, some of us use social media to avoid facing and fixing our problems. This is the most dangerous way of letting social media into your relationship as it is not only immature, it takes away or ignore the real problems, leaving no rooms for fixing since we cannot determine the cause in the first place.

We all know we should, under no circumstances, not to let people and social media into our relationship, ever.  So, until you can decide in which of these three categories of people you belong and come up with a resolution, your relationship will know many headaches, but let me reassure you that it is not social media’s causing. It is time we look within and start taking responsibilty for our actions. Just as social media can help us, if we misuse it, we can destroy our whole being. So, the deal is to use it moderately, use it smart and keep our private life just that, private.  Try it and let me know how it works out for you! 

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Maybe you gave her the reasons to…

Since there are countless numbers of articles about giving him the reasons to, we’ll make this about her.

Some of you guys are probably always wondering about why women do some of the things they do, like constantly doubting you, always arguing, always asking questions, etc… Now, just stop and reflect on yourselves for one minute and see what you could be doing in these situations.

Now, if you follow my blog or the couple of articles I have written, you will realize that I am always advising and encouraging women to avoid sticky and toxic relationships as much as possible. I do not necessarily believe in arguing and doubts in a healthy relationship. Trust is one of the most important and necessary factors for a healthy or a serious relationship. If she does not trust you, you don’t have a relationship yet.

To get back to why is she always doubting you, it is probably because you always give her reasons to. What I mean is, if you give her reason to doubt your words just once, she will not only doubt everything about you but also every day. It really is not that complicated, just avoid creating doubts by not always suspiciously be on the phone and quickly hides or close something when she shows up. That’s suspicious and she will most definitely ask you questions, believe you can avoid this argument, don’t lie. Tell her the truth and be willing to show her if she needs it. At the end of the day, you did decide on having a serious, healthy relationship with her, so why not keep everything healthy.

Gentlemen, when you lie to her, if she doesn’t already know the truth, she will find out soon enough. So, don’t risk having her arguing and doubting. Some guys will lie about the smallest and stupidest thing ever. Then, you wonder and even complain that she is the problem.

But this problem could simply be you, but your self-claimed manhood and conceit does not let you see it. Next time, think maybe I am giving her the reasons to. What if I try a different method, maybe she could respond differently.

P.S. Women don’t like to talk and argue, if you don’t answer and when asked a question, go around it and start blaming them or shaming them, then you have open their talking jaws. It is not like they love arguing with you and be mad. Again, what are you doing that is causing all the talking and arguing.  Also, keep in mind that there is a huge difference between asking a question, talking and arguing. Confusing these three could be one of the problems.

What do men want?

So, I received this email asking me this question, “What do men want?”

Quite frankly, I have no clue. Apparently, as difficult to understand as men seem to believe women are, it seems that women feel the same way about men. Personally, I don’t think there is any way to know what a person wants unless the person tells you very explicitly what it is he or she wants.

I agree sometimes people can be quite confusing with their feelings and that is somewhat normal. Some guys will probably make you feel like they care today and the next day, they act a little different and that can be confusing. However, I believe that is normal and if you find yourself in this situation, you can always ask the guy what he really wants. Us, women can be a little indecisive sometimes too and we often confuse guys the same way. Sometimes, it may be simply because we want to be sure and certain and we have not found that certainty just yet, sometimes we can also be confused with ourselves or it may just as well be our insecurities at times.

Let’s not confuse ourselves even more and get too worked up about what men want. Instead, let’s ask them and if we can’t do that, let’s just let things be and just be happy as it is. Sometimes, we, women, tend to over-think things and we worry more than we should.

So, to answer this question, men want the same things we want which is a better and happy life. We are all under tremendous pressure and are all looking for the very best and sometimes, it may take us a while to figure out what is best and when it’s best. Ask your man what he wants if you really need to know but always remember that men hate being pressured (well, that’s all humans) and they can take an awful longer time to finally decide on certain things, relationship included. So, be careful, smart and mindful.

Does He Like You?

Someone asked: “How do you know if and when a guy likes you?”
To be honest, I have no clue. I heard there are signs/hints which you could catch to find out whether anyone (guy or girl) likes you. Unfortunately, I am unable to catch any of these so called signs or hints.
Personally, a guy does not like you until he tells you so. If he does, he will. Don’t stress yourself trying to read signs. Sometimes, these signs may have different meanings, but since you are focusing on them so much as to find out someone’s true feelings for you, you can misread them. A person will do/say things only because he/she is polite and have respect for others.
I am not dismissing the fact that some signs may actually show how someone feels about you. However, the only way to be sure is if and when they tell you. You can take your chances, but to answer this question again, you would know if a guy likes you when he tells you. What he likes you for or in other words, what he wants from you is a whole different story.

First Date Kiss

Okay, this is one of my favorite subjects. I have been asked to answer this question, “is it okay to kiss on a first date?

I don’t know where to begin with this. Well, I’ll go with it depends. I think if you really care about someone, it shouldn’t matter. It’s all about chemistry, if it’s right and strong, it will happen naturally. On the other hand, if you try to force, then it’s wrong.

As women, we think too much about certain things. I don’t think kissing a guy on a first date should make him like/love you less than he probably did before. If that’s the case, then I’m afraid there was no genuine like/love in the first place. I can see why a guy may be a bit skeptical if you sleep with him on a first date, but that’s another topic. However, I don’t think it’s a bad thing if it happens naturally. We must not overthink because we can’t control how we feel at a moment. If you have to think about it, then maybe you shouldn’t do it. Otherwise, just live life and let God works his miracles.

Aren’t we all Jealous?

Someone asked me if “I am jealous“?  Quite frankly, I am never sure how to respond to this question. I have always believed that everyone is jealous.

Now, hypothetically, let’s assume that you have someone you really care about. Wouldn’t you be jealous of other people trying to get close or too close to that someone? It’s totally normal and natural to be a little jealous here and there. Keep in mind that jealousy and stupidity are two totally different things.  Now, you can be jealous but still control your emotions. Some of us don’t know how to do that and act stupid-totally different story.

So, to answer this question, I must say, of course, I am jealous. However, I am not one to act stupid just because. I don’t usually feel threatened enough to make a fool of myself over a guy. I truly believe in fate, so, if things are to work out between myself and a guy, it will happen regardless of the next girl. I can’t afford to be so insecure and foolish. I can be dying inside and nobody notices. I have learned how to control my emotions and believe I have mastered them quite well. Never let your emotions get the best of you, it really isn’t a good look. Sometimes, it’s best to take a minute, relax and you can even let the person know how you feel in a very respectful way.

Another great aspect to look at is what should make one jealous. Depending on your partner, what may be a big deal for some may not be for you.  For instance, I know myself and the kind of guy I would probably date, so, what others may see as threatening may not be for me.  I won’t make a big deal if my partner is talking to another girl or is nice to another girl. Not to say that, there is not a limit to everything. Depending on the situation and circumstances, things may change.  We need to know who we are dealing with, so that we can have healthier relationships. If you know your partner enough, you should know what to worry about.

Remember, regardless of anything, never let your emotions get the best of you! Never make a fool of yourself! It’s okay to be jealous, we all are but avoid being irrational, stupid and insecure.

Time to Yourself

Ever wondered why most of the relationships you’ve been involved in never worked?
Then, don’t be to quick to judge your partners or everyone else. It may simply be that you need some time off so you can focus and work on yourself a bit. Sometimes, we are our own problems. If you are not ready, then, it won’t ever work.
It is not such a bad idea to take time for yourself and figure a few things out before you fully indulge into something so serious as relationship.
What I realize is that most of us don’t know how to be by ourselves, therefore, we are always looking for someone to validate us. Sadly, that is not the answer and we all must learn how to be single, alone because it can never hurt. Quite frankly, it helps you discover and understand yourself better. Instead of everybody else telling you who you are, wouldn’t you rather know who you are a little better?
Well, when you dedicate a little time to yourself and try not to lose yourself into someone else so quickly or when you are not ready, you can help yourself. You can discover new talents you did not think you have, new interests and better yet, you can understand the world better and change a few things you don’t like about yourself.
So, just allow yourself that time and maybe you can see a difference. Nobody can take what is yours away from you. Plus, instead of you ruining your chances with the right person, wouldn’t you rather take the time to really figure things out, that way, you know how to approach certain situations.